Hey Babe,
Your sunflowers are starting to sprout…It’s Saturday and I woke up and for a moment it felt like you weren’t here because it was your Saturday to work. Then I remembered but stole myself and tried to hold onto that feeling of calm I would get when you had Saturday off and we could relax, together.
Hugo and I walk by the farmer’s market, every Saturday, and every Saturday I forget that it’s happening. We slow down when we walk by but I can’t bring myself to go in, it’s too hard. Remember when we went, together, and I just wanted arugula, but the cashier was like “you would love these cucumbers with this” and I told her I didn’t like cucumbers but she was like “you’re going to like THESE cucumbers” and then she led me around the stand and we got the cucumbers, and then she was like “oh and you need radish!” and I said “ah, radish is too bitter for me” and she said “just stay away from the purple parts” and we got back to the register and paid and you and I laughed about me getting hustled over some vegetables LOL.
But then, I made the salad and it ended up being the BEST SALAD I EVER HAD!?…yeah, I can’t go back in that market.
Same reason I couldn’t go to Harper’s Ferry, today. Plus, it was too many people, and Andy backed out. I just don’t want to risk getting triggered when I’m out with big groups without a friend of ours with me.
Vikas, Laura, and I went berry-picking, yesterday. It was fun but I don’t know how to handle when our friends don’t talk about you and then I don’t know if when I talk about you I am making them uncomfortable. I think they just don’t want to mention you and for me to start crying. I don’t always cry but I have before so I’m sure after a while that gets uncomfortable. But I can’t not talk about you. You’re always on my mind and I need to keep your presence with me, wherever I go. I need you here with me.
At the farm stand at the berry farm there was cornbread mix and I remembered how much you loved cornbread. I didn’t look at it and go “oh Peter would love this”- I looked at it and went “Peter loved cornbread.” In the past tense. That sucks.
I know if you were here you would know what to do with all these sour cherries I picked. I’m going to make a baked good out of them and I’m going to think of you. Send me good baking vibes, please.