Fuck, babe. This isn’t right. This isn’t right, at all. I know you don’t disappear from my heart once we leave this apartment, today, but goddamn if it doesn’t feel like you will. I know this is how it works, life doesn’t stop because yours did. It should have, though. I’m just not ready. I want to hold onto what we shared for as long as possible.
…I just went to check the mail and your mom sent me a card that says, “Courage is only an accumulation of small steps.” It was sent on the 24th, but I just checked, today. And I needed to read that, babe. I love your mom.
Sometimes, things happen with such perfect timing that it’s hard to deny you have a hand in them. I’ve spent so much of my life in science and saying I believed in nothing other than the universe and law of attraction and energy. And even taking that belief with a grain of salt. I hope these musings can grow into a more solidified faith in something that I truly believe in because I just couldn’t bare to think that you are not somewhere, either with me and Hugo, your parents, your brothers, or maybe chilling on a farm, somewhere, surrounded by cattle. I just want to know you are in a place where you can feel peace. That’s all I want for you. Really, it’s all I want for all of us who you left behind.
I love you. If you have the ability, please make sure I don’t hurt my back, today. You know how that was, last year.