I keep starting posts and getting pulled away. So as a reminder to myself, I wrote this on October 13th, 6 months after Peter killed himself.

Today is a “treat yo’self cuz your best friend and partner in life jumped off a bridge” kind of day, babe.

I’m still so sad. Since my job started and the barrier stuff picked up, I feel like I don’t get to hold space for my grief in the same way I used to. So then when I go to a support group, and I get to slow down and assess the situation, a get this huge wave of relief to be with others who understand and I just cry the whole way through. It feels like yesterday since you walked out the door, but a lifetime since I’ve seen you.

I think today is going to be hard.

We covered Shabbat in class, last night. I think you really would have liked Shabbat, or the concept, anyway. It is nyalism but less somber. It’s slowing down and disconnecting for 25 hrs so you can live for the sake of living- no chasing the dream, hustling, grinding, nothing towards self-advancement. I think as Americans, especially, we forget that.

Hugo and I took a walk, last night, and the weather reminded me of the last walk we all went on, together. I see you everywhere. Us, everywhere.