Babe, I saw Bernie Sanders last night. You would be freaking out about this. I wish you were here to freak out about this with me.

I’ve been having a really hard time, and feeling too overwhelmed to write to you like I like to- this is obviously a really important coping strategy of mine.

This grief is so painful and isolating. I feel like I have lost most of the people that knew you the best. I feel like I can’t talk to most people because I never feel understood. I never feel like it helps when I do try to talk to most of the people I want to talk to. Is that because nothing will help or is it something I am doing wrong? Am I scaring people away? Your parents are distancing. Which is fine. Maybe I’m too much for them. Maybe how I am missing you is triggering for them. Maybe it has nothing at all to do with me. Doesn’t make it hurt any less. Whatever, add it to the fucking pile. I just wish people could communicate what they are doing because it requires a lot less guesswork and causes a lot less anxiety on my part. You told me to take care of them and that’s what I’m going to do. I just fucking hate everything.

I don’t know how to do this but I don’t like how I’m doing it.

I love you so much.