Wish You Were Here

I wish you were here. I wish you were here to talk to about everything that’s happening. I keep having conversations with you in my head, where I fill in what I know you would say. They keep asking me to describe you…but I’ll never be able to describe everything you were in a list of adjectives.

Babe, Hugo has pneumonia. Aspiration pneumonia. From what, just being alive?! Who gets aspiration pneumonia when they’re conscious?! Our little lemon <3

I’m worried that once the media attention dies down, this numbness will go away, and the grief will have piled up. It will be like all the emails in your inbox you have to go through when you come back from vacation…except really painful. I haven’t been able to water the plants, babe. They’re all dying, one by one. It’s just too much. Gotta prioritize.

Remember when we made popcorn balls with Kristen for Halloween? Remember when you made latkes and kugel so I could celebrate Rosh Hashana, properly? Or when you gifted me lettuce for Annie to rip apart?

Remember when you would wink at me in the hallway during clinics? You were wearing your glasses…I loved your glasses on you.

Remember when Kristen, you and I would brush our teeth together, at night, just to try and adult during school?

Remember when you were at your friend’s bachelor party all weekend and I drunk dialed you and your friends teased you?

Remember when Kristen kept bailing on our lunches at Grafton Grill, so it just ended up being me and you with your friends?

Remember when you built pillow walls on the L-couch when we studied?

When you thanked me for drunkenly singing in the car?

When Kristen and I would dance around the kitchen and make you uncomfortable?

When you had that girl over from Tinder and we threw rocks at your window and you came down ACTUALLY mad? That was the only time I’ve ever seen you mad.

Remember the Grand Canyon?

Remember Machi Koro in Oregon? Walking the beach? Kayaking in the bay with the seal following us? The fried pb & j we had for brunch, that one time? When we both bought pickled onions for each other and when I put mine in the fridge I asked you if you bought them too and you said yeah i know you like them? When I walked into the office with a shit-eating grin on my face and showed you a litter of dalmatian puppies my colleague had? The beer you liked at The Sovereign?

Remember when the house was wicked cold one night and our dumbasses called the electrician and all he did was flip the light switch?

Remember nacho fries at 1 am?

Remember cheeseboards and friendsgiving and the birthday cake you made me? and the one I made you that took me three days?

Remember when you were my safe place?